"Ọgbọ́n tí a fi ńkọ́lé ò tó èyí tí a fi ńgbée." The wisdom required to acquire a house, is nothing compared to that required to live in it. Marriage is the greatest initiation of all precisely because the wisdom that it takes to build a family demands extraordinary mental and emotional flexibility. It requires every family member to a balance their personal needs against those of the family as a whole. The most painful aspect of practicing family love and devotion is feeling of rejection and even betrayal you experience when your love goes on reciprocated. Men and women express devotion very differently. Sometimes, our attempts to communicate love is misunderstood by our partners. Particularly for us as men, things become very challenging when it seems that all of the skills that make us successful at work, in the shrine or in the community only produce a string of failures when applied to our wives and families. If this trend continues gentlemen, the relationships that once brought us the greatest joy end up generating the most intense pain. But no matter how hurt and isolated you may feel in your relationship, I want you to know that it's not too late to revive the spirit of love and harmony. If you're willing to change, it's even possible that your relationship can be saved and improved. Check out these three tips for tapping into the wisdom of devotional love.
1. Remember the love. Recall the way you felt physically and emotionally. The rush of hormones! The fantasies! The butterflies! Go back and recover those experiences that made you feel alive when you were together.
2. Learn to forgive. Release yourself from the need to punish yourself and the people you love. Nobody is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. And if you're honest, you will see how your mistakes are directly related to those of your partner. Stop blaming yourself and one another and forgive.
3. Ask for help. Talk to elders and professionals (not your peers) about what's happening for you. Be transparent as you seek out responsible, mature elders and professionals who have considerable wisdom and experience in relationship matters. Once advice is given, take it and follow through. I repeat, do not consult your peers!!!
Initiation is never easy. Transformation is never instant. Be patient and hopeful as you satisfy your destiny. Learn more in the 16 Essential Traits of Personal Priesthood. Email me at ObafemiO@yahoo.com. Enter 16 Essential Traits of Personal Priesthood in the subject line.
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Live the Medicine
Obafemi Origunwa, MA
Thought leader, Ifa priest and author of four definitive books, Obafemi Origunwa inspires metamorphosis through living the medicine that will heal your life and heal the lives of the people you're destined to serve.