Too Many Options

Tabitha was one of my earliest clients. She had been raised a Christian, converted to Islam in college and later on, she took to Egyptology, in search of something more aligned with her ancestry. Ultimately, however, it was Orisa Lifestyle that provided her with the kinds of practical rituals, information and orientation that she found most gratifying. 

And so, for the passed few years, she had been following the protocols of orisa initiation. Tabitha came to me because now, she wanted to do something to support her son's spiritual development. At the time, he was about 7 or 8 years old and demonstrated real interest in spiritual matters. He frequently talked with her about life after death, was fond of mythology and was known to have very vivid dreams that sometimes came to pass. 

After listening to her describe her son and the things she wanted for son, which included knowing his guardian orisa, practicing ancestral reverence and harnessing his spiritual potential, I recommended a rites of passage and a series of personal rituals that she and her son could perform together. 

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Immediately, she hesitated: "What about this?" and "What about that?" she asked. "Do the prayers have to be in Yoruba?" and "Is this going to mean he is practicing a particular religion?" Finally, I said to her, "It doesn't seem like you're ready to teach your son a specific spiritual discipline but you want him to enjoy spiritual development. Is that fair to say?" 

It was at this point that Tabitha explained to me that she resented the fact that her family had made her practice Christianity before she had the option to choose. She did not want to impose her beliefs onto her son. She wanted to respect his right to religious freedom. And as much as I do appreciate the idea of honoring your child's uniqueness, it is misguided to give him choices he is unprepared to make. If you give a child the option to choose candy or vegetables, he's going to pick candy. If you let him choose between going to bed at 8 pm or 12 am, he is going to choose to stay up late. If you let him pick for himself, the child will select what is easiest, the most fun and the most pleasurable. It is your duty, as the parent, to make certain decisions FOR your child. Spiritual discipline is one of those decisions. 

Think of it another way; in your family, there are certain non-negotiable behaviors, right? Every member is expected to do certain things - like homework and chores - and refrain from doing other things - lying and stealing. There is nothing to think about, nothing to discuss, nothing to research. Based upon your personal experience, you know that certain things should be avoided and others should be practiced without fail. The Orisa Lifestlye Academy membership site is designed to create opportunities for you to participate in experiences that will cultivate the spiritual values you want to perpetuate in your life and your family.