Toxicity, Healing and Ancestral Promise

Who is closest to the doctor? Sick people. I know this is the case because my mother was a Registered Nurse. So I was practically raised in the hospital; the psych ward, the geriatric unit and pediatrics all became my "stomping grounds" as my mother's career progressed, leading her from one healing institution to another. In that regard, it is not surprising to me that I gravitated towards the helping profession. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to counsel, educated and heal. 

Consequently, even before I became a helping professional, I always managed to attract sick people. It never really dawned on me until about the eleventh grade. My best friend and I were riding the city bus when a mentally ill man boarded. At some point in the long ride across town, he ended up sitting across from my friend and I. He looked at me for a long time and suddenly just started to talk. To me, it seemed quite natural to listen. During the "conversation" he would get more animated than what was socially acceptable.  He cursed. His thoughts never really connected in a meaningful way. But, even though nobody outside of his head could follow his logic, what I noticed was the fact that he was not confused by his own madness. When his stop came, he rang the bell, got up and said good bye. 

My friend looked at me with a combination of bewilderment and admiration. "Why do they always come and talk to YOU?" An older lady nearby chuckled audibly. I shrugged my shoulders and replied, "I don't even know..." That was thirty years ago. Today, I know a little bit more about my relationship to human suffering, especially my own. It has a lot to deal with my Ancestral Promise. For at least four generations, my family has been devoted to the human services. We've founded churches, built birthing centers and provided herbal healing to the community from Cairo, Illinois to Watts, California. According to my personal Odu, IrosunOse, I am destined to work hand in hand with my spouse to serve the community: 

Ifa let my sacrifice be accepted
Ela let my rituals go up to the heaven above
Irosun seso
Irosun seso
Cast Ifa for Orunmila
And initiates Osun,  the wife of Bara Agbonniregun into Ifa
On the day  they were coming from the heaven above as a team
to establish the foundation of the earth plane
They were advised about the earth plane where they were going
They should offer sacrifice of harmony , peaceful coexistence
and victory... 
- Holy Odu IrosunOse

In this instance, Orunmila and his wife, Osun came to the world as a team to help bring about the Good Condition, which is characterized by harmony, peaceful coexistence and victory over the forces of evil. Unfortunately, however, what is good for one is bad for another. And so, when people start to experience the the blessings of harmony, peaceful coexistence and victory over evil, that means sickness, death, conflict, litigation and curses are suddenly threatened with nonexistence. It turns out that they don't take that prospect lightly... The dark forces do not hesitate to defend themselves! And so, as Orunmila and his Apetebii began to shine a positive light into the world, the darkness stood up and fought back! The Holy Odu IrosunOse continues: 

They should offer sacrifice of harmony , peaceful coexistence
and victory because  of the witches
They would be angry with them because of the beautiful things
​[Orunmila and Osun] would to do to better the lives of humanity
They would heal the sick
The lame or the cripple would walk 
Those who were afflicted with ajogun 
Will see the light of Olodumare and absolute victory
The negative work of the great magician would have no evil effect on the lives of men
The sacrifice prescribed by Ifa to Orunmila and his wife would deter evil dreams
Those who intend to spoil their business or work and cooperation would be nailed to ground by the sacrifice...
- Holy Odu IrosunOse

To be certain, the battlefield is INTERNAL; We are engaged in spiritual and psychological warfare with forces that dwell inside of our heats and minds. Once, I treated a young lady who came to me with an elaborate tale of conspiracy that included just about all of the neighbors  in her apartment complex. I listened intently to her convoluted story and elicit details of every sort of abuse. And when I felt she was ready to trace the symptoms to their true root, I suggested, "Let's ask Ifa what is the cause of all this conflict and strife." she agreed.

The Holy Odu that emerged went straight to the source. I said to her, "Ifa says that your problem is not your neighbors at all. It's much deeper than that. You have been cursed by your mother. Not only that, you have been cursed by your father as well. THIS is what has caused your situation." For the first time in our hour-long conversation, she stopped talking. After I explained what must be done, she went on to verify what Ifa had said. Her parents had disowned her years ago under very painful circumstances. "They hate me," she said, finally. The sacrifices were extensive. But she agreed to complete them. We worked for almost three days straight. When we were in the final stages, with just one ritual remaining, it seemed like the spirit of fear awakened in order to make one last attempt to stay alive within her. Suddenly, I became this woman's worst enemy. She accused me of avery kind of abuse. She dragged me before the elders and attempted to slander my name. I consulted my teachers and they advised me to simply return any money she had given me and continue to pray for her. One of my teachers was particularly attuned to the situation. He advised me that there is only so much you can do. The patient MUST be willing to accept the healing. Here, let us consider the teachings of the Holy Odu IworiMeji which says: 

The arms of the child are too short to reach the altar top
The hands of the elder are too big to enter into the medicine gourd
What the elder asks the child to do, let him comply
The assignment a child gives an elder, let him refuse not
For there are things that a father must do for his child
This was the message of Ifa to the Akapo (disciple of Orunmila)
When he went to complain against Orunmila in the presence of Olodumare
He was advised to offer sacrifice
- Holy Odu IworiMeji

In this instance, Akapo had been serving Orunmila faithfully. He made Orunmila's concerns his top priority. In addition, he was a disciplined and faithful devotee who consulted Ifa, performed sacrifices and kept his taboos quite religiously. Yet and still, Akapo had nothing to show for his diligence. Finally, he became impatient and took his story on the road, telling it to anyone who would listen. The people listened to Akapo and unanimously condemned Orunmila. This kind of spiritual abuse must be stopped! They urged Akapo to escalate the situation to the highest level and take it to Olodumare for final judgement. And so, Akapo marched right through the gates of heaven and presented himself before Olodumare. "Baba, I have been a devout disciple but my life is not improving. Orunmila is not completing my sacrifices!" It was then that Olodumare summoned Orunmila. 

When Orunmila received the summons, he went to consult Ifa. The Holy Odu IworiMeji appeared: 

He who judges after listening to only one side
He is the prince of the wicked ones
This was Ifa's declaration to Orunmila
When going to defend himself against the allegations
leveled against him by Akapo in the presence of Olodumare
He was advised to offer sacrifice
- Holy Odu IworiMeji

After Orunmila heard the allegations made by Akapo, he told his side of the story. Orunmila explained to Olodumare that he had been making every sacrifice for Akapo as instructed by Ifa. But when the time came for the sacrifice to be accepted, the Akapo's ori never showed up and thus, he was never blessed. It was revealed that Akapo was not making the sacrifices with his own materials, but with those left over from other people. In psychological terms, we might say that Akapo was not doing the work. That is, while Akapo was superficially going through the motions, he was not engaging himself in the process of excavating his limiting thoughts and doing those things necessary to facilitate meaningful change. When Olodumare heard Orunmila's testimony, he queried Akapo, who confirmed what Orunmila had said. Consequently, Olodumare decreed that people cannot pronounce judgement without hearing both sides of a story. 

In those times when I have been held to an unreasonable standard of personal responsibility for being in  - and fixing - a toxic relationship I experienced a kind of spiritual abuse that is seldom recognized and almost never addressed. When we, as priests, find ourselves in toxic relationships of any sort, we are usually told that as the spiritual leader it is our duty to continue to serve the abusive or toxic spouse, student or patient. And while I agree that this is the only response befitting of a priest, I must also make note of the fact that it seems to have become the norm for us to downplay the impact that various kinds of abuse can have on the priest. The hurtful, stinging words of toxic patients and loved ones harm the priest just as much as they do the laity. The only difference is what the priest does with his pain. High religious standards are sometimes placed on the awo to keep peace in his home and in the community at all cost.  He is routinely admonished to be as patient with his abusive spouse, students and patients as Orunmila demonstrated with his Akapo in the verse mentioned above. And while that is a tremendous religious burden to place on someone,  my experience has showed me that it is worth the personal and material sacrifice. Again, the Holy Odu IrosunOse is instructive: 

Orunmila quickly offered the sacrifice
The witches returned quickly to the middle way between heaven and the earth
That is how Orunmila and Osun achieved victory and overcame all misfortune
Then Orunmila spoke of his priest thusly;
All the paths I tread will give way to success
This was Ifa's message to Orunmila and Osun
When they were coming from the spiritual plane to the world
They intended to extend goodness to the lord of Ife and all men throughout the world
Now, witches of the universe, I give you obeisance
Oh!  Yes,  the witches of the world
Let my sacrifice be auspicious, and my ritual be accepted
Let my sacrifice go to the place of acceptance without hindrance
Oh ye the witches
I give obeisance to you, and salute you
Oh ye the witches
Let my hand work and the work of my wife be successful and fulfilled
Oh ye witches of the universe
Oh ye witches
- Holy Odu IrosunOse

​Ultimately, the journey of life has shown me that toxicity in my relationships should never be taken personally. When people allow themselves to become vessels of negativity, experience has shown over and over that it is their fear that makes them susceptible. Consequently, it is only through invoking the true spirit of destiny that intense adversity - in the form of pain, aggression and conflict - can be greeted placated and subdued. 

​Live the medicine.